The Trouble With Thoth: A Treasure Lost and Found
We are all very aware of Aleister Crowley. We have certainly been told many stories of his time on earth. As an intriguing figure within the occult, I was never bothered by what people thought of him nor was I a follower – he just simply existed in my occult periphery through books, music and films since I was a child. He became part of my cultural landscape.
As I delved deeper into my tarot studies (Rider-Waite-Smith) I was constantly curious about the Thoth deck. In some ways it seemed quite a dense and difficult deck to conquer but after some time I purchased a copy and started to work my way through them, one by one.
The deck felt negative and, in some ways, – unworkable so I decided to stop. I don’t know why but I knew it wasn’t the right time and I continued reading my usual deck. The cards were so wonderful to look at, their colours were captivating and the thread that Crowley weaved throughout the deck was an incredible read but I just could not have it in my possession. Yet, I would be thinking about it, there was a pull but I knew deep down that now was not the time. I felt like one of those people who mistakenly bought a possessed item from a spooky old antique shop.
Fast forward a few years and I found myself eye to eye with the Thoth deck, not only in its glass exhibition case but I was looking at the original artwork by Lady Frida Harris. The Warberg Institute had put on a Tarot exhibition called Tarot - Origins & Afterlives, and this is where I fell in love. The paintings were so wonderful that I moved between them for quite some time. I was bewitched by them, I genuinely felt like a spell had been cast over me and so I stepped out of that exhibition with one thing on my mind - I knew I had to return to the Thoth – it was time.
Frieda Harris (right), with Aleister Crowley and mutual friend Catherine Falconer (left) c.1940
I decided to buy the large size deck, mainly because I felt I wanted to appreciate every detail in order to not just read them but to be delighted by their brilliance created by the paint and ink of Lady Frieda Harris. Art above everything else is so central to my spiritual work and as a very visual person.
Having spent time with the deck and reading the cards, I cannot help but think that the time I spent without it was not wasted. For years I have spent time studying the cards, writing about them and journalling with them. The basic foundations of the RWS deck certainly helped pave the way to read many other decks and this was no exception. The Thoth deck is dense; it is embedded and threaded with symbolism. From astrology, Kabbalah, and other esoteric systems – Crowley created a tool that would let you know exactly what you didn't want to hear, its honesty is wonderful. Its message is powerful.
Crowley also changed a few things. As my main deck is the RWS, I read it like I would read normally just to get my head around the cards, familiarity and all that but then I noticed differences. Justice became Adjustment, Strength became Lust, Judgement became Aeon, the World is the Universe, Temperance is Art, the pentacles became disks. Even the court cards were renamed. To some these may seem like subtle changes but they can make a big difference to a reader if you are swapping decks all the time.
But back to my main point – the deck felt good in my hands, the cards felt chatty and readable – I felt like I had built a relationship with them. Yes, I am still making my way through learning the nuances and I am sure I will find something new in them in 30 years times but the fear has left me, the niggling voice that told me that the time wasn't right has gone. I have been handed a tool and I must learn to use it wisely.
From the personal essay archive of Katie Doherty
